Hello.

What?

We exist again.

I noticed, yes.

So what should we do, now that we exist again?

Well, for for starters you should probably shut up.

Wow, touchy.

If I am, it’s only because we’re just two written characters that don’t really exist as individuals, and I’m written that way.

Yes, but what is existence?

… Are you looking for a definition?

No, It’s like, rhetorical. Or existential, I guess. I’m trying to start a dialogue here!

Why?

Because to move the… plot? Err… entertainment forward!

Why that, also?

Because… That’s the point of this piece of media!.

But this piece of media is literally about what it’s about. That’s not me shrugging you off, no matter how much I’d like it to be. It’s the nature of this interaction. It’s meta to the point of being reliant on self reference to exist.

Okay, yes, but we have to get to the interesting part because the author wants to hurry this along.

Suddenly, I feel inclined to agree.

Good! So, existence…

What about it.

We’ve got it, technically.

In what way? We don’t think, we aren’t physical.

Aren’t we?

… No, that’s what I’m-
But we do consist of a set of lines with physical properties! We are solid black lines on a solid white page, we are rendered in the Times New Roman font, our bodies are an arrangement of pixels on a screen… There are ways in which we are physical.

Yes, and don’t interrupt me anymore, and what about our personal qualities? While we do have defined traits, they aren’t fixed, the author can change them whenever he feels li-

WRONG! See, our traits aren’t as dynamic as you say. A good author knows that to write a convincing character, a set of guidelines have to exist. Characters stay mostly the same from their first media form to subsequent adaptions, with changing traits more or less accounted for by storytelling. So in a sense, we do have a defined set of traits that define us, like a personality.

Okay, and don’t interrupt me again or I’ll belt you, and this seems like thin justification to think of fiction is fact. You’re contributing to more delusions than you can count with this.

Probably. But it’s still an interesting thought, though.

It’s really not. Also, a good author?

Relatively speaking, I mean.

Relative to what? Asylum patient babble?

No, that’s at least compelling. You could make a reality show about that. And also, you’ll belt me? With a physical belt?

Okay, no, but a threat is in line with my character, I guess.

It’s pretty poorly defined. All of it, really. This whole thing is barely viable or understandable. Well, mac, I guess it’s over now. As soon as you get to the middle of your sentence.

What? Why wou-