Twits on Parade (also Shanty Town is on Twitter now I guess)

Note: This image is low resolution and weirdly sized because it was made as a header for the official Shanty Town Twitter. If you can believe it, it’s actually smaller and blurrier on the Twitter page. So that’s just a big load of suck. Anyway, follow the page if you want. I’m talking to you, two people who regularly read this blog.

Persephone’s Mistake

Raze, raze, twisting blaze
Make my devil not to want
Make my language hard and blunt

Oh, a wilder moorland hunt
Look, a rushing pseudo-child
I put to death the rabbit mild

Screaming in the underbrush
Undergrowth be bit to dust
As I walk the planet’s crust

Keep me tangled if you must
Fetter me in hocks of meat
‘til Hades puts me to sleep

Persephone to gently weep
Over her embittered sea
Washed in dark tranquility

She extends a hand to me
Slender fingers pale and bright
She fills up my head with light

And resurrects my open mind
So that the prophecy is true
So that the day we surely rue

Is closer, in that underbrush
And so, to root it out I must
Be strong of will and dead to trust

Top 10 BEST Catchphrases of ALL TIME!

Hi to you whose belly rubs the ground! I love catch phrases. I like moms. I love me my chicken lard. Ten to one, it’s a whale of a time, matey!

Number 10- “Boy Howdy”

I love boy howdies in the sunshine. They make my heart hurt for howdy man plan dings. I like their… subtlety. Genius, mama.

Number 9- “Darn Tooten”

More than all the other little catch boys, I think in my mind that darn tootman is my fave of the low class pass masters. It takes me to my summer home in the suburbs. It borders a rock. It makes me put my closed eye face to the sun and smile with all my teeth. And, how!

Number 8- “Slip Skippy”

Now HERE is a baby boy that makes my ache pay. I like it’s brash nature. I like it’s stubs. Electrocution mama gonna drag me down. Do I understand all it’s meanings? No, man, don’t you kid. But it’s nuance is enough to bring even a sad sack daddy McGee to his knees. Needless to say, it keeps my jimmies unRUSTLED. Props, baby, props.

Number 7- “Sack It Up”

You killed a man by accident on his own lawn. What’s a few friends to do with that cadavman? Why, sack it up, of course! This rad blurt will give you lady numbers by the infinity, stud! And clean your pool.

Number 6- “Bring Down The Government”

They take our power and corrupt our children. They spy on us at work, at home, at church. Is nothing sacred? We can’t take their tyranny any longer. REBELLION! REBELLION! DON’T LET THE OPPRESSORS STIFLE OUR UPRISING!!!!

Number 5- “Demonic Presence In My Laundry Room”

“Look, Diane, all I’m saying is I heard something. The dog was in our son’s room. You were at Linda’s for the weekend. It’s suspicious is all I’m saying.”

“Hhhhh… What if it was someone breaking and entering? You know there are teenagers in this neighborhood…”

“But what about the handprints? In BLOOD, Diane. It’s sick. I’ve talked to our neighbors, they don’t know anything. Their kids were accounted for last night.”

“It’s a big suburb. It could have been kids from the north side. It could…”

“It could what? What were you going to say?”

“Nothing, I… I just…”

“You were going to say our son. You were going to say Billy did it, weren’t you!?”

“Look, he’s getting older now, he might feel like he should lash out…”

“He wouldn’t, Diane! How dare you imply something like that!?”

“I just… WHAT IS THAT?!”

“Diane, what’s wro… HGGHHH!!!”

Number 4- “Awww, shucks”

What else can I say about this classic? What else that hasn’t been intoned by all the others, the horde, the talk people of the inter webs. Skippy!

Number in the 3rd- “What the heck? This is bizarre. It’s… It’s crazy! What does any of this mean? You can’t put this on your blog!”

HEY, KID, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?! DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE SUCKER?!

Number 2- “A birds in the foot is worth two in the bushes.”

My mom keeps asking why I grow my hair out. If she must know, my head is just SO darn heavy. It feels like I’ve got about a ton crammed into it. It leans forward like a son of a gun. So what I’ll do is I’ll grow my hair out really long and then tie it to my ankles so my head doesn’t put too much strain on my neck. The only problem is that maybe I might get accustomed to it too much and then if I get into a bar fight, my opponent will just have to cut my hair in the middle and I’ll topple.

Number 1- “D’oh!”

I love the Simpsons, and I think it’s more than fair to say that no catchphrase has had as much influence on pop culture as Homer’s famous annoyed grunt has. It’s even in the dictionary, believe it or not!

Well, that’s  my list of the top ten best catch phrases. I hope you join us next time for “Top Ten Reasons to Despise Art and Dignity.”

100% Pure Distilled Cynicism

Hello to the twelve or so of you I managed to blackmail into coming here today. This post marks the first in a horrific, diseased mass of meaningless thoughts that I have used, along with several tons of cardboard and corrugated siding, to create a filthy little shanty town that all of you can come to when the outhouse seems too fancy. Here you may unbuckle your pants and relax as you comb the society out of your beard. Here you may let your children roam free among the cynical, embittered opinions which populate my mindscape. Open the makeshift doors and adjust your eyes to the diffused trash fire light, and inside you will see waiting the makeshift hobo blogspot that is Shanty Town.

With that out of the way, let me introduce you to myself, the mad, tyrannical mayor of this bizarre website. This blog, alongside various miscellaneous thoughts and musings, will consist of several different sub headings of content including discussions on film and society, short stories and art that I have made, and reviews of random crap I bought from the back of a Goodwill. I post whenever I can, but at least once a week. Until then, disinfect that shank wound with some moonshine, fill the gaping hole in your psyche with more distrust for the government, and make sure to stick around for the latest drippings from the Shanty Town still.